Cyp'r'us

Yowser! Been very lazy on all fronts recently. I've been in Cyp with the girls. Lots of walking and seeing stuff which resulted in overly sweaty ruddy faces and spam trotters!I've got quite a lot to say about my holiday so the easiest and most effective way to get the information across I believe is to categorise the holiday into good and bad with easy to understand pictures and bullet points.

GOOD

1) Lilo's
2) Swimming pool olympics - including 100m and hurdles
3) Donkeys
4) Tzatziki
5) Baywatch - a cocktail bar and also a style of swimwear worn by all with sunburn
which when leaving the pool gives a very pronounced pair of breasts in a long
sleeved cotton T-shirt
6) Bat and ball - a game which wife excelled in as a solo artist and was as
competitive as Linford Christie at singles
7) Space Wagons - the (kn)it girls choice of vehicle. Get your seatbelt on, drive
very safely and beep at boys on scooters - it's this seasons must have accessory
8) Boat trips - a chance to drink horrible wine, be sick if you're Sophie Bacon and
sing Rod Stewart songs with Albanians called Victor and Germans with Speedos and
breasticles
9) Did I mention Lilo's?
10) People that "know" everything - Helly

BAD

1) Cockroaches on your plate
2) Cheese that echoes the sound and texture of wet flip flops
3) Secret sunburn - come on a problem shared is a problem divided by six!
4) Pregnant cats with poo bum in your restaurant
5) Space Wagons - so beginning of July
6) Cry eyes - walking around with a hanky stuck to your face for two days and dried
eye secretion caked on your face
7) Secret Bullemia disguised as a cough - a problem shared...

I think that covers a variety of issues we were exposed to by Cyp. Obviously there are more but I can't think of them right now.

On non-Cyp subjects I have been having loads of fun on my bicycle. It's ace. I ride what I think is mega fast and then get overtaken by "sporty" women on my way to work. This is an issue for me as I don't really understand sport, in fact sport makes me really angry, I feel like I'm getting an ulcer when I talk about it. It's rubbish.

REASONS WHY SPORT IS RUBBISH

1) It's rubbish
2) Healthy living, feelgood activities involving lycra or bright outfits are rubbish
3) Taking the moving of your body seriously and making noises at the same time is
rubbish
4) Looking like a man, getting muscles, drinking powdered energy shakes and
appearing on the cover of "Flex" magazine is rubbish
5) It makes me angry, it's rubbish
6) It's really rubbish!

I have to go and be sick (on the floor) because I'm so angry. I'll see you later.
P.S sport is crud and rubbish and needs a refund.